personal-growth – Views from VanDeWalle

With wildfires impacting communities across Nebraska—and knowing friends who have been deeply affected—I began looking for ways Nebraskans can support one another, especially when it comes to mental health. In that search, I found a timely and meaningful article by Michelle Krehbiel titled “Taking the Time to Listen.” I’ve included it below, as its message applies not only to wildfires, but to any disaster situation where support, empathy, and connection are needed most.

Springtime in Nebraska can be a roller coaster. 70 degrees and sunny one day to blowing snow and 30 degrees another day. Mother Nature appears to either be angry or simply confused. The weather extremes this year include drought, intense winds, and temperature swings. Recently, parts of the state have experienced uncontrolled fires which have left some Nebraskans with destroyed property, loss of potential income, and even loss of life. The most recent natural disaster in Nebraska reminds us of the uncertainties of daily living.

Nebraskans pride themselves on taking care of one another when they are faced with loss and adversity. This generosity has been witnessed by people who donate money, their time, or work to bring awareness about a specific issue or event. The COVID-19 pandemic and the 2019 flood are two examples of how individuals have come together to aid and care for their neighbors, friends, and communities.

People coming together to help each other is critical in taking the beginning steps of recovery from a disaster. Specifically, having someone to talk to is a key component of recovery from trauma. There are times when you are in the role as the listener and at other times you may be the person needing the listening ear. If you are the person in the role as a listener here are some tips to increase your effectiveness.

Be there for others. This may be a physical presence, or it may be in the form of a phone call, video chat, or text message. Invite others to share with you about their day or experience. A text, of “How are you doing?” can send the message I care about you, and I am interested to know what is happening with you.

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

Listen and watch. A good listener asks open ended questions like, “How are you feeling?” or “Tell me more about your experience.” Good listeners allow the person to talk. Asking follow-up questions that encourage the other person to speak shows that you are interested and are attentive to what the other is saying. “Tell me more” is comment that you can make to enable a person to continue to share.

Sharpen your communication skills. Does your body language say you care or are paying attention? Maintaining appropriate eye contact and physical touch can communicate your interest in what the other person is saying. Being comfortable with silence in the conversation can also show respect to the other person. It can allow them the time and space they need to process thoughts and feelings. Resist the urge to offer quick advice or pass judgement. Often this type of communication is not helpful or productive. It can lead to negative feelings.

Normalizing Feeling and behaviors. A person who experiences trauma from a disaster can often feel a vast range of emotions in an hour, day, or a week. There is no “right” way to feel after an intense experience. As a listener you can acknowledge the feelings of the person by saying, “It sounds like you are feeling….. or “That must have been difficult/frustrating/frightening” or “That sounds like a common reaction to…”

Take care of yourself. Being a good friend, neighbor, or community member can be tiring. Listening to someone’s story or trauma can be upsetting, disturbing, and simply hard. These thoughts and feelings are common. When one is empathic it is easy to take on the feelings of others which can lead to your own feelings of being overwhelmed. Self-care is important when engaging in listening. Activities like self-reflection, mediation, exercise, or participating in a hobby are examples of self-care. By taking his time for yourself will help you be able to give of yourself more fully.

The next couple of months more storms will be on the horizon. Engaging in listening for those impacted by the latest storms will be just one way to assist with recovery, practice kindness, and build community.

* This article is based on Peer Listening written by the Sea Grant: Mississippi-Alabama Sea Grant Consortium

Resiliency: what is it and why is it important? In short, resiliency is the “ability to bounce back from challenges or hardships”. According to the Center on the Developing Child from Harvard University, “Reducing the effects of significant adversity on children’s healthy development is essential to the progress and prosperity of any society. Science tells us that some children develop resilience, or the ability to overcome serious hardship, while others do not. Understanding why some children do well despite adverse early experiences is crucial because it can inform more effective policies and programs that help more children reach their full potential.”

According to the Connect with Kids network, adapted from “Project Resilience”, there are

seven attributes that describe ways you can show resiliency when facing challenges. Keep in mind that you – like most people – may show some, but not all, of these attributes/strengths when faced with difficult situations.

INSIGHT—Having insight means asking questions of yourself, even when the questions are difficult. If you answer honestly, you can learn and move forward. Having insight helps you understand the problem and how to best solve it. Insight helps you analyze the situation from as many perspectives as you can.
INDEPENDENCE—Showing independence means keeping a healthy distance between yourself and other people so you can think things through and do what is best for you. It also means knowing how to step away from people who seem to cause trouble or make things worse by their words or actions.
RELATIONSHIPS—Building relationships means finding connections with people that are healthy for both of you and keeping those relationships growing.
INITIATIVE—Taking the initiative means taking control of the problem and working to solve it. It means asking questions of yourself and answering them as honestly as you can, so you can move past a sticky situation. Sometimes people who take initiative become the leaders in activities and teamwork.
CREATIVITY—Using creativity requires that you use your imagination or resourcefulness to express your feelings, thoughts, and plans in some unique way. Remember that when you make something happen, it shows resiliency of spirit and a positive attitude.
HUMOR—Humor is the ability to find something funny (especially yourself!) in a situation, even when things seem bad. Humor often gives you the perspective needed to relieve tension and make a situation better.
MORALITY— Being a person of morality means knowing the difference between right and wrong and being willing to choose and stand up for what is right.

In conclusion, it is important for both youth and parents to communicate ways how they can adapt to change, stress or problems and are able to take things in stride. The result of this bouncing back is a feeling of success and confidence.

Tag: personal-growth

Taking the Time to Listen

Resiliency: What is It?