family – Views from VanDeWalle

One of the things I love about rural communities is the amount of help and support given when people go through difficult times. I can attest to that, on several occasions. For example, when my mom had her stroke in 2011, neighbors, coworkers and friends stepped up to provide support, send cards and helped when I was needing to make trips to visit her. Also in 2011, 2012 and 2014, I was laid up with ankle surgery and very blessed that many people in the community helped watch my girls, made meals for our family, and showed many other acts of kindness. A quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson is one of my favorites, “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” Of course, that doesn’t mean to be miserable, rather that you will be fulfilled when you make a positive difference and live a life of fulfillment and kindness towards others.

A part of the 4-H pledge is to “pledge one’s hands to larger service” and “heart to greater loyalty”. These are the values we try to instill in our 4-H youth. It is great to see youth helping each other during 4-H workshops and programs and friendships being made. There is research that shows how helping others has benefits for themselves. A professor, Thomas G. Plante from Santa Clara University, and adjunct clinical professor of psychiatry at Stanford University has found that his students who attend a spring break trip working with people in poor and marginalized areas managed stress better than those who did not attend trips. He believes the research finding is due to a matter of perspective. Additionally, when helping others, you generally experience more empathy, compassion, and solidarity with others as well.

As we approach county fair season, it is important to remind adults, as well as youth of 4-H’s core values of helping others with our hands. It might improve their stress management abilities and make for a smoother fair for all involved. Rather than seeking out problems, remember the 4-H pledge and help others. You’ll likely be happier and create a better experience for everyone around you. So, instead of only worrying about your exhibits or animals or trying to get others in trouble, consider helping a fellow exhibitor and fill one’s bucket with water or call that person and tell them their animal is running low on water. If an exhibitor is struggling to know where to check-in their static exhibit, offer to help them.

By practicing these small acts of kindness, you might be surprised how much less stressed you and those around you will be. I am certainly appreciative of 4-H parents who can help my daughters when I am busy with my job. “I pledge my head to clearer thinking, my heart to greater loyalty, my hands to larger service and my health to better living, for my club, my community, my country and my world.” If we practice these principles, we can make a positive difference in the lives of others.

County Fair Schedules

You can find the 4-H events for the Clay and Fillmore County Fairs on each extension website or social media. Locally, go to fillmore.unl.edu or clay.unl.edu.

Photo by Miguel u00c1. Padriu00f1u00e1n on Pexels.com

With the school year complete, hopefully, an opportunity to spend more time with your child exists. Reconnect and reflect on the school year and plan for the summer. Sarah Roberts and Jackie Steffen, Learning Child Extension Educators provided great tips on how to inspire conversations with your child by asking powerful questions which I’ve included in this week’s column.

Questions are powerful tools, and they encourage children to think at a higher level. The types of questions you ask young children can affect the quality of your conversation with them. Some questions only elicit rote answers and, therefore, will not spark a meaningful conversation or connection. Others encourage thought-provoking conversations and ideas. Having intentional and meaningful conversations with young children is critical to providing an atmosphere of emotional security. Engaging with and listening to children helps them to feel valued and respected. They learn to feel safe talking with you and sharing thoughts and feelings that may be otherwise difficult to discuss.

Here Are Some Ways to Inspire Rich Conversations:

Try to ask more open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are questions that cannot be answered with one word. Instead of asking, “How was your day?” consider rephrasing and saying, “Tell me about the favorite parts of your day.”
Distractions are all around us. Take time to fully engage with young children and practice active listening in a one-on-one environment. That means removing electronics and getting down on their level. Giving children your full attention demonstrates that you respect them and what they have to say.
Make conversations a habit. The time of day that works best is different for everyone. Some might be able to connect deeply on the “to and from” activity/school commutes, others at bedtime or maybe around the table. Take notice of when your child feels the most comfortable opening up to you.
Do your homework. If your child is in school and you have access to daily announcements, lesson plans or newsletters, use that information to help spark conversations. Children can fail to mention exciting events unintentionally. They may be surprised with some pieces of information that you know about their day.
Finally, remember that conversations are a two-way street. If you ask too many questions, children can feel like they are being drilled. Do not just ask questions; open up and talk about YOUR day. Being authentic and modeling good communication with other adults in their school or home will encourage children to join in on conversations. Asking higher-level questions takes practice and time. Think about what information you want to share with your child and what you would like to know from them. Be genuine. If it is tough to talk to them, don’t worry. It is important to start practicing conversation skills, especially when children are young. Have fun and keep a sense of humor and wonder. Children will follow your lead.

Here are a Few Open-Ended Questions to Get You Started:
If you were the family chef, what would you make today for breakfast (lunch, dinner)? Why?
If you could do anything today, what would it be?
What was your favorite part about the holidays this year?
This year has been hard for lots of people. Is there anything positive you experienced? What things do you wish you could change?
If you could ask me anything (teachers or parents), what would it be?

References: “Big Questions for Young Minds: Extending Children’s Thinking” by Janis Strasser and Lisa Mufson Bresson

Tag: family

Helping Others

Inspiring Rich Conversations Through Questions